Broken Baby

There are a lot of words to describe Baby Jack: happy, energetic, silly, crazy, sweet, sensitive, etc. But one word that does not describe him is gentle. That's just not who he is. He is rough and always does everything with full force. It is exhausting and fun at the same time. It can also be terrifying. Thursday, Jack started pulling the cushions off the couch to play. I jumped in to help, so I could make his landing spot safe. However, he wasn't very patient and jumped off the couch, onto the cushions while I was doing this. (I was less than a foot away from him at the time.) He went face first into the edge of the couch. He immediately started screaming and crying. He normally doesn't cry when he gets hurt, but just keeps going, so this was alarming. I thought he hit his mouth, so I gave him some frozen fruit sorbet to calm him down. Eventually, he did. About 10 minutes later, his nose started bleeding...which he thought was very cool. He laughed and touched it and tried blowing more out of his nose...of the joys of a little boy. His nose was a little swollen and he cried when I touched it that night, so I worried it might be broken. On Friday a little bruise appeared. By Saturday, the bruise was even bigger. This picture doesn't do it justice, but it was the best I could do. I know it looks like Stuart is choking him, but it is hard to get a clear picture of Jack unless you hold him down these days. As I said, he doesn't stop moving and I have about 50 picture attempts to prove it.

Stuart tells me not to take him to the doctor Monday because they can't do anything for it, even if it is broken, but I am feeling tremendous guilt. What if he is forever disfigured? What kind of mother does that make me? Boy, the guilt is endless in this job.